Dear Mister

Dear Mister,

This is another of Your weeks where i can tell You are going to be battle weary when You arrive home from the daily grind. It is a week where i will see the Wolf more often than other weeks. i may even find myself pinned beneath the Wolf due to a stray word or two. But i know that except as it is planned by You that You will never administer the death bite that you possess, i will be nipped, i will be bound in place, and You may claim every last bit of me and then scrape any remaining scraps again and again. But i know and trust You.

i offer myself to You. Make and take me as You see fit and as the Wolf demands. i may not always like the Darkness that You possess, but i love that the Darkness possesses me.

 

sweetness

 

Foodgasm

Something that stands our dynamic apart from a lot of others is that i very very rarely cook. i sometimes bake, but even then Mister tends to be the Lord and Master of the kitchen. And in the kitchen Mister has tools that cause me immense pleasure and pain.

No i am not talking about the potential implements that are there, but yes i have discovered the joys of cooking and preparing roast rump in the kitchen before. And yes pre-little captain we did make other things in the kitchen aside from food.

No i am talking about the food that Mister makes. Mister as far as i am aware, has had no professional training, nor classes of any kind. And to be open and honest i think for the seven years He was in college He had access to a miniscule stove and a few small pots and pans. And yet HEAVEN, i mean He was preparing gourmet/comfort foods for multiple people on a regular basis.

So where did this come from? i do not know, but i do know that the pain is knowing that i am tempted to eat so much of this that i may just lose my figure if i am not careful. He is incredible though and to eat His food is to feel closer to God. The specialty in our house is comfort food though and i sometimes think that He has a treasure trove of recipes in His mind. i literally have never seen Him use a recipe book, He just sets to work and like a wizard His creations are magical.

There really is no point to this, i am just looking to brag.

Anticipation,panic, and Princes

One of the things that not many people know about me is that I have a severe panic disorder. Let that sink in, I the warrior princess have a panic disorder. I turns to i in a millisecond and He scoops me up whether he is there or not. He has made it so i can reach Him as needed. He has taken my calls and texts in the middle of things before and only a full blown court proceeding can prevent His voice from me when i need it. But He still texts.

Tomorrow we are going to an important matter. Mister is being recognized for an award and the gathering is also important to his career’s future. i will be transformed into the apple of eyes and candy to his arm. That’s not to say i will be some dumb laughing bobble head, He wouldn’t allow that even if i wanted to be so. No i will be his smart, articulate, but appropo to the moment wife. It’s been a while since i wore my formal collar out, W/we haven’t gotten to do much fancy stuff since the Spring. i’ve been looking forward to it.

Then set in the panic. What am i going to wear. Since the little captain has been born i have gotten back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and my body is slowly returning to where i like it. But i am still nursing and thus my clothes necessarily must be suited for either easy access or pumping. The LC is going with U/us tomorrow as well which makes it all the more important my outfit be easy access. i was freeeeeaking out.

Then Mister stepped in, and saved the day, He loaded me and LC up and took us shopping and helped me pick out the most gorgeous dress.

Which means all that’s left is this

And then….THIS

😀

Superman mode

Mister never makes it a secret, He is a White Knight Dom, which means as I understand it

“The White Knight Dom wants to right wrongs, slay dragons, rescue subs in trouble, treat his submissive like a princess, and become King – and he wants to do it all before lunch. He is driven by a sense of chivalry and altruism that transcends what he considers to be the sordid and tawdry business of self-gratification. Making you happy makes him happy.”

Mister has this innate  drive inside him where He plays the hero to anyone He perceives as downtrodden or victimized. He has “little sisters” galore. And His rule is simple: “You can mess with me, do practically anything to me, but you do NOT mess with My family” When someone interferes with someone He considers family, what I call Superman mode emerges. This mode also comes online when He is preparing for a case He is invested in or a trial is scheduled on a criminal matter.

This week for reasons i don’t feel need to be specifically disclosed, Mister has had to be in this mode, and has had to be outside our home despite it being us that He is in the mode about. The level of Dominant protection He has displayed has been incredible. But it makes me miss Him. i have messaged Him this morning and He instructed me to journal it and He would respond in kind after reviewing this post at lunch.

So here we go as I plan to do it in pictures.

Dear Sir,

I await your response Sir

~s

Something Borrowed

Sir and i were discussing his early dalliances into TTWD the other night and he turned me onto some of the sites that he used to visit and some he just recently rediscovered and one of them really struck me given our background and circumstances. It is published by a young woman who is near our age, maybe a tad older, who was a military spouse, something i was dangerously close to becoming myself and but for some very very odd occurrences with Mister’s contract would have been. She seems to have disappeared and left off at a cliffhanger so i am hopeful that at some point she will either resume blogging or she will at least resolve the cliff hangers and sign off properly because well, i am a bit curious what happened and made a connection that i feel like i know her.

i borrowed something from her site

Owned

i kneel at Your feet, head bowed, eyes down. You reach down and cup my chin, lifting my face and meeting my eyes with Yours. You see adoration, submission, respect and love shining clearly through from my soul. i see dominance, love, determination, pride, and joy shining through Yours. You stroke my hair and i shiver from the pure anticipation of Your touch.

When we began this Your desires were made clear. You wanted a submissive, not a doormat. You wanted a human with emotions, not a robot or a puppet. You wanted property that You would value, not get bored with and quickly cast aside. You demanded that i speak my mind and that i always be true to myself in doing so i would be true to You. You don’t demand respect that was earned with time and trust.

i needed a strong man, confident and intelligent who would accept my gift of submission completely. Who would guide me along life’s path and would honor my desire to serve him. A man who would tread carefully with my heart and emotions. A man who would demand that i give all and would patiently tear down my carefully built walls. A man who would push my boundaries, but not cross them, who would grow with me and be my leader. A man who would open me up to a world of endless possibilities, claim my heart, dominate my body and challenge my mind. i found that man, my Mister in You.

i know You are responsible for me and in that i am Your property. You treat me in such a way that Your investment will shine, prosper and last. As in any item that is owned of great value You put time in my upkeep, energy in keeping me at my prime. Broken, i would do little for You. Well oiled and maintained i serve You well.

i occasionally malfunction but You have the tools and the ability to fix me and set me straight again. My joy comes in knowing that i am Yours to do what You want with. Knowing, You would never truly hurt me, never ask more than what i could give, never demand more than what I could be. You know me more than i know myself, You see in me much more than i could ever fathom, and You know all my weaknesses but accept me anyway.

Every action i take belongs to You, every thought i hold, every word i speak all Yours to claim, to control if You so wished. Knowing this keeps me going down the right path, truly desiring nothing more than to serve and make You proud. My every movement is to please You and in doing so it pleases me to my very core.

i serve You voluntarily. i consent to Your ownership. You own me because at one time i gave You permission to do so. A permission You understand i would never take back for it was not given lightly. You do not hold my life over my head, You do not beat me into submission, and You do not manipulate me into staying. i am free to go if i ever so decided, but I stay out of my own free will. It is my gift to You. My acceptance of Your terms. My completely surrender to Your will.

i am owned by You and I am happy.

In this writing i feel like my feelings towards Mister are well described. Kudos army wife, kudos.

The Importance of being flexible

For just over half a decade I/i have been married to an attorney. And as Mister says there are two types of attorneys. Those who toil behind a desk and wield the might of the pen amongst those they might never have the fortune or misfortune of seeing in person, and those who are in essence grunts and legal cannon fodder. Who trudge into court daily and at times are blown to bits because of the orders of clients who are determined to have their day in court despite the odds and then who have to trudge back to their office and begin preparations for the next day.

Mister is the second. He works in such a way that there is no better word for comparison than machine. i sometimes joke Mister is short for Mr. Roboto and sometimes that is all too true. As a result i have learned it is important as the spouse of one of these creatures to be flexible. There will be times when our dynamic is more or less that of a long distance relationship with both parties sleeping in the same bed. i of course attempt to maintain my service to Mister, but the expectations for me are more for my self care than His carnal pleasures.

That said, He does take His liberties and thus begins the juicer portion of my entry. Mister is a physical person. i don’t say He is a brute, but He exercises through running, swimming, mixed fighting training, weights, and playing pick up sports. While i swim, and do it well, i prefer the mental cleansing of yoga practice. Mister, bless Him, understands my interest and has at times joined me when there are weeks He knows that the dynamic will be the long termesque fashion. This is one of those weeks where our ships will be passing in the night and last night after the little captain was asleep i was in the living room with my mat out and beginning my practice when He came into the living room.

To understand the scene as it were, i was spread out with my mat and had moved all the furniture in the living room to walls to allow the maximum space, i was dressed in spandex shorts and a sports nursing bra, Mister when He arrives home from work always changes His clothes immediately to those more befitting someone at the gym and was clothed in a sleeveless t-shirt and mesh basketball shorts. As He sat on the couch and absently watched the baseball game, i observed Him admiring my downward dog (or some part thereof), He then proposed we try something different and practice together.

i had a sense of where this was going but my curiosity demanded i know for sure. “Yes Mister” i nodded and came out of my pose. He ordered me to strip and then asked me to assume wheel pose. He then presented me with his naked form after ordering me to hold this pose. i was rewarded with getting to take Him in my mouth.

For those who are visual:

Under Mister’s guidance my practice last night consisted of:

1. 

Downward Dog…i know right?!?! i tried to object and apparently this is a great position for punishment swats as well.

2. 

Cobra pose- AMAZINGLY deep penetration 🙂

3. 

Happy Baby Pose- And oh baby was I happy with yet another deep penetration pose

4. 

Bound Reclining- Mister incorporated trust bondage, IE the worst thing ever because if i struggle it is just against myself and not wanting to be punished for leaving position, but promised we would be revisiting this position with the use of some of our silks and ties. When Mister came i was worried i would wake the baby i was moaning so loudly and when i got to come…..well let’s just say i have added couple yoga to my list of requested rewards from Mister and am eagerly awaiting my next lesson on flexibility from Yogi Mister.

Walking like a cowgirl = YUM!!!

Dear Sir,

Howdy. I feel the need to say that because the way You, Dear Mister, left me the other day left me walking like a cowgirl. When i learned You had arranged for us time, i will admit i wasn’t sure what You would do with that time. You concocted a plan that was beyond anything i had conceived. i imagined that there would be kinky fu…stuff involved in the plans You concocted, but Bravo.

i am not sure if i have ever told You but i love the feel of those panties you love so much. They are these lacy cheeky panties from Aerie, which i am i promise an adult woman, but they are cute, and comfy, and make me feel as sexy as You view me. Then there are Your shorts you left. i know You know how i feel about wearing Your clothes. You dwarf me by a foot and change so any chance to wear Your clothes reminds me of Your size, and dominance, and protection. in short Sir, i love it.

The hair rub, it was amazing, the softness of Your voice and gentle rubs of my back and pats on my butt which possibly unbeknownst to You reminded me of what panties You had picked and that likely i was ending up over Your knee. i was happier than a mosquito in a blood bank.

i have a question Sir, how are You both so commanding and gentle as You move me from my head in Your lap to my backside over it. It was as if i was floated into a position, my rear just rose to that “sweet spot” as You call it positioning wise, and my…i mean Your shorts just disappeared from around me. For someone who doesn’t do manual labor for a job, You are incredibly strong and Your swats sting. But You know this, You have punished me over jeans and slacks before and it has stung so much i have almost forgotten i was still completely dressed. These “love swats” stung, and i remember feeling that almost wondrous glowing heat, although it was tinged with disappointment and curiosity as i typically get You placed between my legs during a “good girl” spanking. i was a bit confused i will admit.

Then You pulled down and off my panties and i still didn’t get my Sir’s manhood between my legs despite feeling it hard and available beside my waist. The contradiction between crashing and booming swats and the almost butterfly pressure of Your fingertips as they played me like a fiddle Sir is mindblowing. i remember the science center we go to as kids and the little rats pushing the buttons for treats, well Sir i would have let you push that button between my legs all day….except that damn no orgasm rule. That stinks Sir *pouts*

And then we go to You using Your infernal mind games, i don’t know where in tarnation You learned to do that, but it makes things tough Mister. And just when i got it all figured out, when i am able to take your games and pass your tests…..WOW…just WOW Sir.

i meant what i said when we spoke afterwards. When You pulled my hair and pushed the button You found inside of me, i basically blacked out from pleasure and came back to feel You inside of me and deeply so. i am glad i regained myself in time to feel You come inside Your submissive princess and that You allowed me to thank You for the pleasurable experience by cleaning your manhood afterwards. i would like to think You also had fun and my body allowed You some release from within since as a result i was walking like a cowgirl. But don’t fret Sir, i’m ready for another ride anytime You wish to ride this cowgirl.

You’re an asshole

So i was sick last weekend. i was run down, i was tired, my joints hurt, my voice was yucky, and I had gross stuff coming from my mouth and nose.

HM of course still told me i was beautiful, but He is full of it so yeah.

He also took away my phone. The phone is my ball and chain, its a lifeline to work and all the responsibilities therein and i suppose it is something that if rest is truly dictated that must be removed. Rest is what was needed, admittedly.

So when He took my phone, there was a little complaining, and i was getting over it, i swear i was. Then He went to make me dinner, He actually told me that my service to Him was getting better and then took over everything i typically do on the weekends. This is on top of events He had to attend locally, commitments He has otherwise, preparing for a couple big hearings this week, and taking the little man out yesterday so i could have one more good day of rest with the holiday.

So He went to make me dinner. Then i had to pee, but little man was with me so i called Him to the living room and He indicated the stove needed turned down and went into the kitchen and got it so the house wouldn’t burn down then came back.

Yeah i said the title to him when he came back. And yeah i was in DEEP CRAP.

Turns out you aren’t immune to discipline when sick as i was given some strong swats, and it seems that when sick so that i don’t get even sicker He has determined that the proper punishment is needed to be spread over time. Therefore every night the last three i have been over his knee for a short session.

i am feeling better and He has said that when He and i get home, dinner is had and the little man is settled that He expects me to go to our room, remove everything except the lace cheeky underwear He picked out this morning, (They are white, because He likes to see the color come through in contrast as He spanks), and be kneeling when He comes in and that He will be removing His work belt and applying it to my rear for completion of penance in this matter and only at that time will i get my phone back outside of work.

Shoot.

Freeday Friday

Yesterday was a draining one, and one where this weary princess warrior didn’t get home until well after the little man’s bedtime, and late enough that there was very basic dynamic time. I still am not sure what to post about, and figure I will spend today, a day off, looking around and seeing if I can find inspiration. If anyone finds this blog and wants to indicate what they are interested in, let me know. HM has given me ideas, but not ordered any into execution. He enjoys watching me squirm at times with my indecision, always riding in to save the day and telling me what i should do, so I suppose i could be a brat and just hold out and say sorry Sir, ball is in your court….but then i need to make sure that is a check my butt is up to cashing.

In preparing for this post, i found this picture that i think somewhat puts how we are at times into visual form. There are times when just before we go to bed, we talk, i call him Sir and he calls me sweetness. He is holding me like the man in the picture, but i am also able to imagine that as He does so, i am serving Him by petting the Wolf inside of Him. i am sure He will make me post on what a Wolf means to me, but HM is just like one in His loyalty and fierceness in the face of dangers, but yet soft and while wild for the world at large, largely He is able to portray domestication too. And yes i know it is a dog, but it’s as close to a wolf as i could find with the same feelings portrayed.

50 shades of us

I/i have the most fantastic HM in the world. Yeah yeah i know lots of arguments there but check this out. i texted him from work and indicated that I was having a bad day, He asked if there was something he could make for dinner (YES he does cook, and he cooks well). i responded with a plethora of things some edible, some conflicting with one another, a hodge podge of stuff. He simply responded that he would work something out.

I was yelled at a lot yesterday, on top of that I have additional stress from a private matter in my family, and I was on the verge of a break. Honestly driving home was both the biggest blessing and curse for me. i was alone with my thoughts and couldn’t wait to get the armor off of me. As I indicate in my about section, there are days when HM has to forcibly remove it, and then there are days where I can’t wait to throw it in the corner and pretend it doesn’t exist and never will again.

Walking into our house i was greeted with the smell of dinner cooking as i saw Sir standing at the stove his body turned toward me, our son in one arm as far from the stove as can be and clammering happily while He cooked something that couldn’t be seen from my vantage point with the other hand. He turned gave me a smile, came over hugged me with our little guy joining in, kissed me in a romanticly passionate way, handed me our son, and then shooed me to the living room so He could cook, planting a playfully firm swat on my rear as I went.

The next seen of Sir was Him carrying in two plates of food with mine already cut up so that i could eat and help our son eat at the same time. IT WAS PHENOMONAL, i do not know what he did but the meat was amazing, the veggies were both crisp but flavorful, and mashedpotatoes. But wait…there was more, i am unfortunately sensitive to gluten and my Sir went to a store out of His way to get bread for me to eat as He knows its a comfort food and rare treat because of my allergies.

BUT WAIT…there is more. He made a pumpkin pie for me, from scratch, with homemade whipped cream. Back off ladies, he is mine. Not enough? 0 dishes left in the sink afterwards.

After dinner, we settled into our evening. Him on the couch playing with my hair as I sat between his feet and we watched a show from earlier in the week (yay DVR) and He allowed me to word vomit all about my day, listening, not judging, and yes even occasionally correcting me when I would use too abrasive language (our son was in the room). After that He told me what suit He was wanting to wear tomorrow and had me go pick out a shirt (He is suuuuper exciting and has blue, and white to choose from so no real choices) and tie to go with it. Aside from deciding what tie i would like to see, He made all decisions, He took control, and my soul job was being with our son.

Understand that 50 Shades of Grey is a movie that we view more closely with a comedy than anything else. That said Ellie Goulding’s song struck true with me last night. There are nights where if someone were positioned in our home, we are very very very clearly D/s, and then there are nights like last night where instead of 50 shades of grey it is 50 shades of us. To an outside person it may almost seem like He was serving me, but in taking the control and making me take care of myself, He was exercising the perfect control. i “love” the kinky stuff, but i melt when touches and loves me like He does.