HM has indicated that He has not made public our D/s contract and agreement. Thus after some discussion W/we decided that it will be posted to give a better insight into us and our dynamic.
Contract Of Agreement For A Dominant/submissive Relationship Dynamic
I, ________________________, herein known as “sub,” with a free mind and an open heart; do request of _______________________ , herein known as “Dom” that He accept the submission of my will unto His and to take me into His care and guidance, that W/we may grow together in love, friendship, trust and mutual respect. The satisfaction of Dom’s wants, desires, and whims are consistent with my desire as a submissive to be found pleasing to Him.
To that end, I offer Dom use of my time, talents, and abilities. Further, I ask, in sincere humility, that, as my Dominant accept the keeping of my body for the fulfillment and enhancement of O/our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. To achieve this, Dom may have unfettered use of my body any time, any place, in front of anyone; to keep or to give away, as He will determine.
I ask that Dom guide me in any sexual, sensual, or scene-related behavior, both together with, and separate from Him, in such a way as to further my growth as a person. I request of Dom, as my Dominant, that he use the power vested in His role; to mold and shape me; assisting me to grow in strength, character, confidence, and being, and that He continue to help me to develop my artistic and intellectual abilities.
In return, I agree:
To obey Dom’s commands to the best of my ability.
To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve Dom and limit my growth as Dom’s submissive.
To maintain honest and open communication.
To reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment. To inform Dom of wants and perceived needs, recognizing that Dom is the sole judge of whether or how these shall be satisfied.
To strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectations and goals.
To work with Dom to become a happy and self-fulfilled individual.
To work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims.
My surrender as a submissive is done with the knowledge that nothing asked of me will demean me as a person, and will in no way diminish my own responsibilities toward making utmost use of my potential. In recognition of my family obligations, nothing will be required of me that will in any way damage or harm my family and friend relationships, my job, nor interfere with the performance of my duties as a mother.
I understand and agree to the Terms and Conditions of Submission which we have have reached and which is appended as a part of this petition.
No part of the Terms and Conditions of Submission may supercede this petition.
In event of conflict this document and its interpretation shall take precedence.
This I, sub, do entreat, with lucidity and the realization of what this means, both stated and implied, in the conviction that this offer will be understood in the spirit of faith, caring, esteem and devotion in which it is given.
Should either of us find that our aspirations are not being well served by this agreement, find this commitment too burdensome, or for any other reason wish to cancel, either may do so by verbal notification to the other, in keeping with the consensual nature of this agreement.
We both understand that cancellation means a cessation of the control stated and implied within this agreement, not a termination of our relationship as friends, lovers, or Husband and Wife.
Upon cancellation, each of us agrees to offer to the other his or her reasons and to assess our new needs and situation openly and lovingly.
This agreement shall serve as the basis for an extension of our relationship, committed to in the spirit of friendship and consensual dominance and submission with the intention of furthering self-awareness and exploration, promoting health and happiness, and improving both our lives.
This agreement has no legal basis in any court of law. Despite this, the parties hereto agree to function to the best of their abilities to the terms herein as if it were legally binding.
I offer my consent to submission to ______________________________ under the terms stated above on this the ________ day of _____________ in the year ________. ____________________________ Signature of Submissive
I offer my acceptance of submission by ______________________________ under the terms stated above on this the ________ day of ______________ in the year ________. ____________________________ Signature of Dominant
Terms And Conditions of Submission
- General Scope
1.1 Defined herein are the set of terms and conditions of submission that Dominant ___________________________ (Dom) expects Submissive __________________________ (sub) to perform and that sub agrees to fulfill to the best of her ability.
1.2 The Glossary of Submission Terms, appended hereto as Attachment A, applies for definitions of terms used herein.
1.3 Either party may request re-negotiation of these terms and conditions at any time. Failure to agree on maintaining current agreement terms or modifications to these terms and conditions are grounds for dissolving the Dominant-submissive relationship of the two parties.
1.4 The parties to this agreement, Dom and sub, recognize that actions within the scope of the Contract Of Agreement For A Dominant/submissive Relationship Dynamic and these Terms And Conditions of Submission are a form of lifestyle dynamics within the context of their larger lives. Either party may at any time unilaterally and temporarily step out of role and request the other party to do so. This may occur when the Dom and sub are geographically separated, for the purpose of clarifying these agreements, engaging in real life situations with world outside the scope of the conceived dynamic. In general, it is expected that the Dom and sub will seldom step out of role when together.
2.1 The sub shall consider herself to be the “property” of Dom in matters of concern defined herein. “Property”shall be construed to mean that the sub’s priorities, actions, physical appearance and plans shall first and foremost comply with directives presented herein or as otherwise communicated by Dom within the scope of this document. “Property” shall not be interpreted in the sense of a “slave”, that being a different BDSM relationship class.
2.2 The sub shall be deferential and submissive to Dom in all matters related to this agreement, generally with eyes required to be on Dominant upon request but otherwise position in a deferential or submissive manner. Upon receipt of directive or orders or tasking, the sub shall not argue and shall acknowledge her submission and agreement to perform with “Yes, Sir” in the privacy of the home and when practicable or “Yes, Mister” or “Yes, Hubby Mister”. in public or when not practicable in the home.
2.3 Dom shall not place any unreasonable requirements on sub nor any requirements or demands that could jeopardize her health, physical well-being, job or relationship with family or friends.
2.4 Should a conflict arise between the requirements herein and real life requirements, sub shall inform Dom of the conflict and reasons why she requests to deviate from the requirements herein or Dom’s dictates. Dom will provide temporary relief to the select criteria of this agreement to ameliorate the conflict. Sub will use Special Request method (paragraph 7.6) or leave role (paragraph 1.4) to inform Dom of conflicts, the former mode being preferred barring extreme need.
2.5 Failure of sub to meet the requirements and duties laid out herein may result in discipline. (See paragraph 7 – Discipline)
3.1 The cornerstone of success in any relationship is good and open communications. So too with this Dom-sub relationship. The Dom’s position as teacher and mentor leaves free Dom to sub communications in an open and unrestricted manner. Sub’s position of deference may be perceived or become an inpediment to free communications. As such a procedure for ensuring sub may communicate freely with Dom is that of Special Requesting as prescribed in paragraph 7.6. Using said procedure, sub shall ensure that Dom is made aware of sub’s feelings, needs and desires across the spectrum of aspects needed for her mental and physical health.
3.2 During physical separation, electronic communications is the critical and the primary mode of interaction between Dom and sub. Such communications modes include but are not limited to: phone, texting, messaging and e-mail.
3.3 Sub shall be continuously available for communications with Dom by one of the four means listed in paragraph 3.2. Symmetrically, Dom shall be continuously available by the same methods for communications from sub .
3.4 Sub shall do her best to inform Dom if she will be unavailable for communications for more than twelve hours by e-mail or three hours by texting. At conclusion of said gap in availability, sub shall notify Dom that she is again available for submission to him.
3.5 Dom will, symmetrically to paragraph 3.5, notify Sub in the event of unavailability for communications.
4.1 Sub shall enter into no BDSM relationships, real or virtual, with anyone other than Dom. Dom agrees to symmetrically abide by this restriction.
4.2 Sub shall enter into no romantic or sexual relationships or activities, real or virtual, with anyone other than Dom. Dom agrees to symmetrically abide by this restriction.
4.3 Sub will not fragrantly flirt with nor perform sexting with any other male, by virtual or real means. Dom agrees to symmetrically abide by this restriction. Flagrant flirting is construed to mean flirting as an invitation to sex, where such sex invitation is real, teasing or fake.
5.1 Sub agrees to meet with Dom upon request and when practicable as the Dom may see fit.
- Specific Duties and Responsibilities of Dom
6.1 Dom promises to care for and cherish sub and in particular to never knowingly harm her physically (beyond scope provided for herein as regards paragraph 7, “Discipline” ) or emotionally by word or action.
6.2 Dom shall be always open and honest with sub never hiding feelings that are necessary to the continuation of their mutually supporting relationship.
6.3 Dom shall be responsible for keeping sub safe at all times when she is within his purview.
6.4 Dom will do everything within His power to train, educate, instruct, shape and mold sub into best submissive possible.
6.5 Dom shall provide for and allow sub to present her needs and opinions to him with the scope of propriety set out herein for sub.
6.6 Dom will maintain himself in good health and physical condition.
6.7 Dom will refrain from the use of tobacco products, drugs of any kind and due to personal life choices will not drink alcohol.
6.8 Dom will not allow or make sub scene (scene: engaging in sexual activities with other persons) with any minors or animals at any time.
6.9 Dom will not make sub join in any multiple person scene.
6.10 Dom shall immediately respect and honor the invocation of the safe word Red by Sub, ceasing all activity underway.
6.12 Dom will stretch Sub’s limits to help Sub grow in the life, position and feelings of self-esteem.
6.13 Dom will honor the Submissive’s Bill of Rights in Attachment B.
6.14 Dom may, at his discretion, engage sub in discipline, control or general play using methods and instruments activities as listed in in Attachment C, except as listed in Submissive Hard Conditions, Attachment E or as negotiated and listed in Attachment F, “Waivers To Standard Terms of Agreement.”
6.15 Dom will respect all hard limits of sub as listed in Submissive Hard Conditions, Attachment E.
- Specific Duties and Responsibilities of Submissive
7.1 General. This paragraph defines specific duties and responsibilities that Sub shall be required to comply with. Failure to promptly comply in letter and intent with these duties may result in discipline (See paragraph 7).
7.2.1 As per paragraph 2.1, sub shall consider herself to be the “property” of the Dom in matters of concern defined herein.
7.2.2 As per paragraph 2.2, sub shall be timid, deferential and submissive to Dom in all matters related to this agreement.
7.2.3 Sub’s requirement for timid, deferential and submissive behavior to Dom is NOT to be interpreted as the sub being in any way inferior or unworthy. Quite the opposite. Assuming the role of a submissive reflects a strength of character, belief in oneself and trust in her Dom.
7.2.4 Sub shall NOT self-denigrate herself nor speak pejoratively of herself nor in any way imply that she is anything less than a substantial, worthy, intelligent individual. If any judgment of the sub is to be made, it will be by her Dom and that will be made based upon performance and limitations therein, not presumed character flaws in the sub. Repeated failure in this regard by sub will result in substantial discipline.
7.2.5 Sub shall cooperatively submit to direction, sex, game playing and discipline involving any combination of elements from Attachment C, “Discipline, Control or General Play Methods and Instruments “ except as negotiated and listed in Attachment F, “Waivers To Standard Terms of Agreement” or as declared hard limits in Attachement E, “Submissive’s Hard Limits.”
7.3 Health and hygiene
7.3.1 Sub shall do all in her power to maintain good health and good mental outlook. This includes, but is not limited to: eating regularly; eating healthy; getting adequate sleep; exercising at least 3 times a week; socializing with friends at least once a week; and, limiting alcohol consumption to times when permission is expressly given by the Dom. (See paragraph 7.3.9)
7.3.2 Sub shall remain clean and hygienic at all times. Sub shall shower or bathe regularly, with the expectation being that she will bathe or shower at the request of Dom if he deems it needed for hygenic or mental health purposes. Sub understands that Dom will provide care for the parties minor child if needed when sub is complying with this request.
7.3.3 Sub shall keep her armpits, legs, pubic areas shaved completely clean and smooth. Failure to do so is punishable.
7.3.4 Sub shall inform Dom of commencement of her period and provide updates on any significant discomforts related thereto.
7.3.5 Sub shall inform Dom immediately of any sudden changes of mood, especially negative moods, e.g., depression, loneliness, feeling unloved, etc.
7.3.6 Sub shall inform Dom immediately of onset of any illness.
7.3.7 Sub shall maintain her weight at approximately her current weight and shall notify Dom if her weight fluctuates by more than five pounds from her weight at the time of acceptance of this agreement. The sub’s current weight is 115.
7.3.9 Sub shall attempt to minimize her consumption of alcoholic beverages. Regardless, sub shall request permission of Dom to have a drink or refill a drink. This applies to all situations – social and otherwise. In the event Sub is in a social situation where communications with Dom is unavailable, the Sub shall presume permission was denied upon request and act in that fashion until Dom can be reached.
7.3.10 Body Piercing and Tattoos
184.108.40.206 General: Sub shall not get any tattoos, tattoo modifications or body piercings without prior approval of Dom.
7.4 Location and Activities Notification
7.4.1 Sub shall keep Dom informed of her general whereabouts and planned outtings at all times, e.g., home, work, dining out, shopping, social engagement, etc.
7.5 Sex and Games
7.5.1 General. A paramount element of the relationship between the Dom and sub will involve sex and games. The sub shall participate in and perform any and all sex acts the Dom dictates and at the time, place, manner and duration of his choosing.
7.5.2 Restrictions. Sub may not masturbate or touch her genitals for excitement purposes without prior permission from Dom. Dom may limit the number of orgasms that can be produced from such masturbation. If permission is given to masturbate, sub will provide a follow up report on how the masturbation was performed, what she fantasized about as she masturbated and how many orgasms were reached with a rating from 1 to 10 (10 being best) on the overall quality of the orgasms.
220.127.116.11 Sexual acts include: • Standard intercourse consisting of the sub’s vagina being penetrated by the Dom’s penis. • Anal intercourse consisting of the sub’s anus being penetrated by the Dom’s penis. • Oral sex consisting of the sub using her mouth to sexually satisfy the Dom and/or the Dom using his mouth to sexually satisfy the sub. • Other sex. Actions which result in considerable pleasure up to and including orgasm, but do not involve the above. Examples include one party masturbating the other or one party stimulating the other by means of some intermediary method of arousal to climax.
18.104.22.168 Games include any erotic activities designed to stimulate the Dom and/or sub to arousal or to satisfy basic needs for domination or submission satisfaction whether or not said games lead to or include sexual acts. (See Games in Glossary of Terms, Attachment A)
7.5.4 Sexual intercourse acts between the Dom and sub may assume any of the positions not specifically deemed hard limits by the sub. Decision on the position(s) and changes in position will be made by Dom.
7.5.5 Anal intercourse acts between Dom and sub may assume any position not specifically deemed hard limits by the sub. Decision on the position(s) and changes in position will be made by Dom.
7.5.6 Sub may from time-to-time be required to perform oral sex on Dom. Sub shall be prepared and willing for such oral sex to result in Dom ejaculating into her mouth and sub swallowing the result. Sub will, if not already, become proficient in the art of deep-throat oral sex. Sub may be required to be passive recipient of oral sex while in any position, e.g., laying on stomach on bed with head and upper torso raised, supported by her elbows on bed.
7.6 Special Requesting of Dom.
7.6.1 General. Sub may at times of her choosing make a special request of the Dom. Said request will usually be for some specific unique activity or attention she desires and for which the Dom has not already foreclosed action. Examples include sex in a specific position or manner, or punishment that she desires for erotic reasons, e. g., over the knee spanking. Additionally, sub may use Special Requesting to bring up issues of concern, feelings or other such matters as sub feels the need to discuss in full dialog with Dom.
7.6.2 Procedure. Sub will make her special request deferentially, eyes down, saying in a soft pleading voice: “Sir, may your obedient submissive please make a special request of you?” Upon the Dom’s approval the request will be made as, “Thank you, Sir” and disclosure of the request. The Dom may or may not approve the request with or without reason supplied, except Dom shall never refuse to discuss sub’s feelings or needs although said discussion may be briefly deferred for a reason of inconvenience.
7.6.3 Abuse. Abuse of the Special Requesting privilege will result in a warning and if abuse continues, then discipline.
8.1 Failure of sub to comply with the requirements herein may, at the discretion of Dom, result in discipline to her. Such discipline will be of type and severity as chosen by Dom using modes outline in the remainder of this section. Discipline shall be even-handed, dispassionate and serve the end of training sub while preserving and enhancing her self-esteem at the end of such discipline.
8.2 Modes of possible discipline include symbolic, tasking, and corporal.
8.3 Symbolic discipline will take the form of disapproving or critical admonishment of sub, or other such critical actions as Dom may deem appropriate to the failure and within the scope of this and related terms relative to preservation of sub’s self-esteem.
8.4 Tasking discipline will take the form of requiring sub to perform some penance for her shortfall(s). The specific task will be determined by and communicated to sub by Dom. Failure to satisfactorily perform the task may result in a stricter form of discipline.
8.5 Corporal discipline will take the form of physical punishment by the Dom in form chosen by Dom except as limited in Attachment E (Submissive’s Hard Limits). When separated and Dom punishment is not practical, Dom may designate video auto-flagellation if it is deemed sufficient to resolve the issue, otherwise said discipline shall be reserved until practicable for the parties to be in proximity.
9.1 This agreement and all activities occurring within the scope of it are totally confidential. Neither party to this agreement may divulge its existence, its contents or activities performed as a result of participation in this agreement.
I understand and agree to the terms stated above ______________________________ on this the ________ day of _____________ in the year ________. ____________________________ Signature of Submissive
I understand and agree to the terms stated above ______________________________ on this the ________ day of ______________ in the year ________. ____________________________ Signature of Dominant
Attachment A. Glossary of Terms
24/7: A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.
Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.
Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.
Bad pain Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. “Bad pain” is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and of limited or no value in this context. Good pain and bad pain refer to pleasant vs. unpleasant pain. As a “vanilla” example, imagine soreness after a good workout at the gym versus the pain of breaking a leg. Author Jay Wiseman suggests a correlation between perception of “bad pain” during BDSM play and subsequent injury.
BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism: a combined acronym often used as a catchall for anything in the kink scene.
Berkley Horse: A full body restraint apparatus, supposedly designed for, or by, Theresa Berkley in 1828.
Biting: Using the teeth to bite body parts of the submissive for pain but not so strongly as to draw blood.
Blindfold: Act or device for preventing submissive from seeing.
Bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage.
Bondage belt: A waist belt which has D-rings or other attachment points used for securing sub to other fixtures or other constraints
Bondage cuffs: Restraints designed for use in securing the sub at wrists or ankles. Generally they are wide wrist and ankle restraints made of leather, often padded with soft leather or fake fur and secured by a locking mechanism, by a buckle or by velcro. They may be attached to each other or another object.
Below: suspension bondage cuffs and arms linked bondage cuffs.
Bondage harness: A set of constraints used for bondage and typically consists of a series of leather straps, typically between 1 and 2 cm wide, attached together in such a way as to allow a person to “wear” the item.
Bondage Rope Harness: (Also referred to as a bondage web, rope web, rope dress or karada) A rope bondage technique which involves the tying of an intricate structure of rope around the body in a complex web-like fashion.
Bottom: one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene; the one-done-to rather than the doer.
Branding: Use of hot object to produce a permanent or temporary mark on submissive’s flesh.
Breast bondage: A bondage technique which involves the tying of rope around a woman’s breasts in a visually intricate and decorative pattern, usually so the breasts are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge. Breast bondage most commonly uses rope, but webbing, straps or a harness may also be used.
Breath Control: The dominant controls the submissive’s breathing.
Butt plug: Much like a dildo, but pear-shaped with a flared base. The flared base prevents the plug from being lost in the anal cavity; the pear shape helps hold the plug in place. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate.
Caging: Enclosing the submissive in a cage for purposes of punishment.
Caning: Administering corporeal punishment using a cane, e.g., rattan, bamboo, plastic, wooden, etc,
Captive prisoner/Torturer: Game playing – as defined herein – where where one role player (usually the Dom or sub topping) is a captor who abuses the other.
Cat o’ nine tails: (Also known as the cat) A type of multi-tailed whip that originated as an implement for severe physical punishment, notably in the Royal Navy and Army of the United Kingdom.
Chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner.
Clipping: Applying mechanical clips or pinchers to body parts, especially nipples and genitalia.
Cold corporeal punishment: A spanking or other corporeal punishment applied subsequent to the recipient placing ice on area up which the punishment is to be applied.
Collar: A device of any material placed around the neck of the submissive partner. It is also a term used to show ownership of one partner by another. A person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal “collaring ceremonies,” which are regarded as effectively solemnizing their relationship in a similar way as a marriage ceremony. The standard form of a collar is a black leather band around the neck and often has metal D-rings added to allow the attachment of a leash.
Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not exclusively) in a loving intimate relationship. A dominant may have multiple persons collared. Also: a pup’s status, as differentiated from a “stray”.
Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub’s service, or the “ownership” of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship. Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.
Contract: A written-out agreement between the dominant & submissive. It can be either formal or non, and is usually written after much negotiation by the dominant and the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two. It is not legally binding.
Crop: (Also called a riding crop or hunting crop) is a short rod type of whip without a lash and generally made of springy material. May have small paddle-like piece on end. Cropping: Use of a crop for corporeal punishment.
Crotch Rope: A crotch rope (also known as Matanawa or Sakura in Japanese bondage) is a bondage technique which involves the tying of rope around a woman’s waist which is then passed between the labia to apply painful or pleasurable pressure to the female genitals. Crotch rope most commonly uses rope, but webbing, straps or a harness may also be used.
Dom: A person who exercises control (from dominant-contrast with sub) Dominant: A person who exercises control – contrast with submissive.
D/s: Dominance/submission: play or relationships that involve an erotic power exchange.
Edgeplay: SM play that involves a chance of harm, either physically or emotionally. Because the definition of edgeplay is subjective to the specific players (i.e., what is risky for me may not be as risky for you), there isn’t a universal list of what is included in edgeplay. However, there are a few forms of play which almost always make the cut, including fireplay, gunplay, rough body play, breath play, and bloodplay.
Electrostimulation: (Also called e-stim and electrosex) is activity involving the application of electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body, with particular emphasis on the genitals, using a power source (such as a TENS, EMS, Violet wand, or made-for-play units) for purposes of sexual stimulation.
Electric play: Using electricity as an implement of BDSM. This can mean shocks to the genitals breasts or anus. Usually considered edgeplay.
Endorphin rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the “high” people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body’s response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their “payoff” to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.
Enema: Procedure of introducing liquids into the rectum and colon via the anus. The increasing volume of the liquid causes rapid expansion of the lower intestinal tract, often resulting in very uncomfortable bloating, cramping, powerful peristalsis, a feeling of extreme urgency and complete evacuation of the lower intestinal tract. May be used as punishment especially with uncomfortably warm fluids.
Erotic sexual denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also tease and denial and chastity).
Erotic spanking:The act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties.
Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.
Fire play: Using fire as an implement of BDSM. This can mean blowing the heat of a light torch onto a bottom, lighting pools of fuel on the bottom’s skin, lighting flash cotton on the bottom, and other creative uses of heat. Cupping is usually considered an offshoot of fireplay, although in sensation it’s closer to the use of clips and clamps. Usually considered edgeplay.
Fisting: (Also known as handballing, fist-fucking, brachiovaginal, or brachioproctic insertion) A sexual activity that involves inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum. Once insertion is complete, the fingers either naturally clench into a fist or remain straight. In more vigorous forms of fisting, such as “punching / punchfisting “, a fully clenched fist may be inserted and withdrawn slowly. Fisting may be performed with or without a partner.
Flagellation or flogging: The act of methodically beating or whipping the human body, especially in BDSM the buttock, thighs or breasts. Specialised implements for it include rods, switches and the cat o’ nine tails.
Gag: Method or object used for restraining sub from speaking. is sometimes worn during some bondage and BDSM roleplays. Gags are usually associated with roleplays involving bondage, but that is not necessarily the case. Image shows ball gag.
Game playing: A situation in which Dom and sub or one alone enters into a play acting state as realistic as practical under the circumstances. Game playing my be scripted or ad hoc, but the general rules should be agreed upon beforehand. See Role playing. Gender-play – Game playing – as defined herein – where one or more players take on roles of the opposite sex.
Genital jewellery: (Also known as sex jewellery and adult jewellery) is jewellery which is designed specifically for wear on or to accentuate the genitals. In a wider sense also nipple rings and some butt-plugs may be called genital jewellery. Dominant may require submissive to wear gential jewelry as a part of demonstrating control of sub. Genital jewellery includes cock rings and vaginal jewellery as well as anal piercings.
Genitorture: Torture of the genitals. Goddess worship: Game playing – as defined herein – where a woman is seen as a pagan deity. Good pain (1): Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. “Good pain” is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment or value. Good pain (2): Good pain and bad pain refer to perception of pain as pleasant vs. unpleasant. Sensations that non-practitioners imagine to be painful are instead perceived and described by BDSM practitioners as pleasurable or a good form of pain, in much the way that muscles after a workout at the gym may be sore, but in a good way. The transition of perception from “bad pain” to “good pain” may require a warm up beforehand.
Hairbrush: A hairbrush is a common implement used for spanking and consists of a paddle-shaped piece of wood or plastic with rigid or soft bristles on one side.
Handkerchief codes: Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest; a color worn on the left indicates a top, on the right indicates a bottom.
Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do; non-negotiable. (As opposed to “soft limits.”)
Harem: A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
Harness: Enclosing the submissive in a set of (usually leather) bands for erotic purposes or to restrict mobility. See illustration to the right.
Humiliate: To cause the submissive to feel shame. To hurt the pride of the submissive. Actions to humiliate the sub are generally not appropriate to the Dom’s role in nurturing the submissive’s growth. Humiliation may be used in game playing and should be restricted thereto.
Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
Kidnapped game: Game playing – as defined herein – where the submissive player is abducted and forced to submit to sex, e.g., is bound (rope, duct tape, bondage tape, handcuffs, etc.) and gagged (duct tape gag, bondage tape gag, cleave gag, ball gag, etc.) and teased before the sexual act.
Knife play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulus of the bottom.
Knout: A knout ( /ˈnaʊt/) is a heavy scourge-like multiple whip, usually made of a bunch of rawhide thongs attached to a long handle, sometimes with metal wire or hooks incorporated.
Leash: (Also called lead) is a length of rope, leather, chain, or other flexible material symbolically worn by the submissive partner. Most leashes attach to collars or body harnesses, while others loop directly around the person’s neck, wrist, ankle, or sometimes around the male genitals or female body piercings, e.g., clit ring. Image to the right shows female submissive on collared leash with breast bondage.
Limits: What someone “won’t” do or is hesitant to do
Marinet: A short, scourge-like (multi-tail) type of whip made of a wooden handle of about 25 cm (10 inches) in length and about 10 lashes of equal, relatively short length. The lashes are usually made of leather, but sometimes soap-stiffened cords are used in place of leather.
Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
Master/slave: A consensual relationship in which one person receives control (the Master) when given it by another (the slave) for mutual benefit. An extreme form of D/s which usually involves a 24/7 relationship rather than a short period of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The slave will usually accept a collar from their Master to show that they are owned.
Mummification: Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.
Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
Nipple clamp: A clamp that can be applied to the nipples of either men or women. It is a sex toy which can be attached to the nipples to create pain by restricting blood flow from erect nipples by applying pressure to them. Some people derive erotic pleasure from seeing nipple clamps applied. They are used in some BDSM activities, such as tit torture. The use of nipple clamps is often portrayed in the media as deviant or kinky sexual behavior. Image to right: Image clamps with chain.
Nipple piercing: A body piercing, centered usually at the base of the nipple. It can be pierced at any angle but is usually done horizontally or, less often, vertically.
Nose torture: A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often involving nose hooks.
OTK: Over the knee (spanking).
Paddle: Device for use in spanking. A flat wide normally wooden board with handle. May also be broad thick leather object with handle.
Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink Rape fantasy game: A game – as defined herein – where one role player feigns being coerced into an unwelcome sex act perpetrated by the other role player(s).
Rape fantasy, ravishment: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape. Role playing: The act of playing out a role in a game. (See Game playing). Roles can be general designations of power positions, or very specific, detailed fantasies. Some people, such as those living the Gorean lifestyle make use of an entire imaginary world. The controlling player is often called the top or dominant while the controlled individual is called the bottom or submissive. It can be considered dangerous and therefore a safeword is advised to continue the safety of other(s) in such acts.
Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
Safe, sane and consensual: (SSC) a credo used by some BDSM practitioners to determine the appropriateness of BDSM play. Sometimes contrasted to RACK (risk aware consensual kink).
Safeword – A codeword a bottom can use to force BDSM activity to stop – used especially in scenes which may involve consensual force.
Scourge: A corporeal punshment device that has several thongs fastened to a handle. Variants: Scottish tawse (usually two or three leather thongs without a separate handle); cat o’ nine tails: naval thick-rope knotted-end scourge. Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push people’s sensory limits, thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips, flaggillation and edgeplay.
Service-oriented submission: A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or BDSM environment
Sex machine: (Also known as a fucking machine) A mechanical device used to simulate human sexual intercourse. It is a more sophisticated version of the vibrator. These devices may be used in BDSM play.
Slave: A person (usually submissive) who consensually gives up total control of one or more aspects of their life to another person (their Master)
Sleepsacks: A type of bondage gear. Sleepsacks are primarily used to confine a person comfortably for an extended period of time. Similar to a conventional sleeping bag, a person climbs into a sleepsack and is usually zipped into it up to their neck. Generally sleepsacks are very tight on the body, adding to the bondage aspect of the experience.
Sling furniture: A suspended, free-swinging chair, bed, or hammock that is made of a framework connected to hanging straps or rope. When attached to poles or a frame for carrying, a sling becomes a stretcher, a simple form of litter. Ususally combined with bondage using the sling as support.
Soft Limits: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a scene.
Spanking: The act of hitting a submissive’s body – usually, but not always on the buttocks – with an open hand or a variety of spanking implements, such as a belt, paddle, hair brush, cane, riding crop, whip, switch birch, sneakers, rolled-up newspaper, ruler or martinet. Spanking may be administered to bare buttocks or normally dressed.. Spanking positions include but are not limited to: Over the knee(OTK); over the lap; lying prone; bent over; under the spanker’s arm; through the legs of the spanker; kneeling on a bed or ottoman, stooped over with the hands on the floor below; over the spanker’s shoulder or on back with legs vertical. Spanking can involve the submissive in bondage. Spanking bench or spanking horse is a piece of furniture used to position a submissive on, with or without restraints. They come in many sizes and styles, the most popular of which is similar to a sawhorse with a padded top and rings for restraints. Also see “Wooden horse.”
Spanking Skirt: (also called a spank skirt) has an additional opening in back designed to expose the buttocks. While the name spank skirt suggests that the wearer could be spanked “bare bottom” without removing or repositioning the skirt.
Spreader bar: An article of bondage equipment consisting of a metal or wooden bar, with attachment points for bondage cuffs at each end, which can be fastened to wrists, ankles or knees to hold them apart. They are used in bondage play, and sometimes in bedroom bondage, usually in association with other bondage equipment. When applied to the wrists, a bar keeps the arms spread away from the body, providing an unimpeded access to the subject’s torso. When applied to the ankles or between the knees, it immobilizes the subject by preventing all but the most awkward walking, and keeping the legs spread to allow unimpeded access to the subject’s groin and trunk. If bars are applied between the knees and between the ankles, the subject may be forced to bend their knees, making walking even harder. A pair of bars may hold the subject in a spreadeagle position. Images: Right. Suspended on tiptoes with ankle spreader bar and ball gag. Below: Ankle spreader bar applied with ropes and keeping knees spread exposing crotch.
Strapping: A form of spanking involving use of a strap like device – usually leather and stiffened – including belt, tawse, etc.
Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.
Submissive: “sub” for short. Person that gives up control either all the time or for a specified period (Not to be confused with “bottom” or “slave.”)
Subspace: A “natural high” that a sub (or bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me)/top take responsibility for the sub/bottom and be aware of their sub’s wellbeing if they are in subspace.
Suspension: Hanging submissive off of floor by use arms, legs, torso using robes, chains or devices specifically designed for suspending. Suspension may include bondage and be used for purpose of keeping submissive immobile during torture or sex.
Suction: Applying a glass or plastic bulb to the submissive and evacuating it to suck the flesh into the bulb. Usually done to the nipples or clitoris. Used as pain infliction. Illustration
Switch: Someone who likes being both top and bottom, either in one scene or on different occasions.
Taken in hand: 24/7 Male dominance in monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM aspects.
Tease and denial: Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also orgasm denial).
Tit torture: Refers to any of several erotic activities focusing solely on inflicting pain on the breast, nipples, and areola for sexual gratification. It is often used in conjunction with breast bondage, which focuses on the restraint of the area. Images below: Left. Hot wax and clothes pins on nipples. Right Electrical shock to nipples.
TNG: The Next Generation. A tag commonly used by groups and organizations which cater to younger people involved in BDSM, typically ages 18–35.
Top: Person “doing the action” (contrast with bottom – person receiving the action.) Not to be confused with Dom which is the person who “puts the scene together”. A male Dom could enjoy CBT and tell a sub what they are to do. In this case the Top is the submissive (following the direction of the Dom) and the bottom is the Dom (receiving the attention of the top) Topping from the bottom: A bottom who purports to be a submissive but who nonetheless wants to direct the top.
TPE or Total power exchange: a relationship where the dominant or owner has complete authority and influence over the submissive’s life, making the majority of decisions.
Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the dominant teaching the submissive how to act.
Uniform fetish game: Game playing – as defined herein – where one participant dresses in uniform (for instance as a student, cheerleader, French maid, etc.), while the dominant participant plays an authority figure (a parent, teacher, coach, police officer, etc.).
Vanilla: Someone who is not into BDSM. Alternatively, sexual behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense.
Warm up: The period at a beginning of a BDSM scene which involves gentle play, allowing the bottom to begin endorphin production, enter subspace, and undergo physiological changes (such as bringing fluids to the surface before impact play) that will accommodate more intense play.
WIITWD: What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality. Wax play: The top drips hot wax on the submissive’s body parts.
Whip : An instrument for corporeal punishment. Whips are generally of two types, either a firm stick device designed to strike directly, or a flexible whip which must be swung in a specific manner to be effective, but has a longer reach. There are also whips which combine both a firm stick and a flexible line. A specific variant on the whip is a length of single or folded over rubber, vinyl or plastic covered electrical cord.
Wooden horse (Also known as Spanish donkey) is a device used to constrain the submissive while applying corporeal punishment, usually to the buttocks. The wooden horse is a sharply angled device with the sharp point of the angle pointing upward, mounted on a saw-horse like support. The victim is made to straddle the triangular “horse” and place her full body weight on her vulva, which rested on the point of the angle. Weights or additional restraints were often added to keep the victim from falling off. See illustration to the right.
Submissive Bill Of Rights
You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it.
As a submissive you are not less than any other human being and you bring something special to a relationship. A dominant needs your submission in order to be able to play or interact in a D/s relationship.
You have the right to be treated with the respect for that special trait of submission you possess.
You have the right to be proud of what you are. As a submissive you have the right and the duty to be proud of who you are. You need never feel shame for this ever again and should never allow anyone to diminish who or what you are.
You have the right to feel safe.
You have this right irrespective or whether you are submissive. You have the choice as a sub to choose someone who will make you feel safe as this is your sole choice and you need never be in a position where fear is all you know. If you are, this means you have no one to blame but yourself for not choosing the right dominant and for not leaving when you find that this is his or her style of dominance. If you are in a position where you are being held against your will, you need to find a way of escape or indicating distress at the first available opportunity.
You have the right to your emotions and feelings.
As a submissive you have a right to your own feelings and to express them. It does not matter whether they are positive or negative, they need to be discussed whenever they happen for you. Submission does not work in the absence of communication. Your Dom cannot control your life and make good decisions that will not harm you if you do not share the feelings you are feeling.
You have the right to say NO.
We should change this to: You have the right to use a safe word. No never means that a dominant or master will stop anything – remember we tell them to ignore us when we use that word. It is your responsibility to make sure that you do not do anything you do not want to. Subs should discuss negative feelings or experiences with something with their master in a respectful way. The idea is not to be harmed, but to communicate openly. Subs also need to make sure that activities they do not enjoy are not part of the master’s kinks so that this does not happen frequently.
You have the right to expect happiness in life.
Remember that you chose this lifestyle because you weren’t happy with people who did not know how to handle your submission. Remember that you discovered great joy when you found out that you were not just needy or codependent.
You have the right to enjoy this lifestyle and feel all the joy you are getting.
It took guts to admit your submission and you are allowed to pick the fruits of honesty.
You have the right to have input in a relationship.
You have the right to communicate openly and honestly and to have say in any relationship – a relationship by definition is a two way street and should never be one sided. You need to make sure that you make your needs known and that you make sure that you are always present in the relationship. Subs also have this right but they exercise the right when they choose a dominant or master. Your needs, desires and wants should be discussed in detail before any collar is placed around your neck.
You have the right to belong.
As a submissive you finally can exercise this right. You are now in a family of people who feel the same way you do and who understand who and what you are. You will belong to that special dominant soon or may already belong to someone. You have the right to be loved and to love. You have the right to be loved for your submission and to love the person who will control your life and use you to serve them. Love is something that happens in most D/s relationships contrary to what you might have heard. Love also makes you submission bloom. Remember that subs sometimes have different ideas of what love looks like. They might want someone who humiliates and hurts them and does objectify them. To them that might show love. Never look down on what others perceive as love and celebrate the differences.
You have the right to be healthy.
In fact, you have a duty to be healthy. Health is a requirement for subs and this is not negotiable. You have to make sure that you are in a healthy relationship and that you do not get abused. You have the right to practice safe sex. You have a right to remain healthy, but you also have a responsibility to ensure that any sexual partners you may come into contact with can trust you to be responsible sexually and to not be the carrier of a sexually transmitted disease.
Discipline, Control or General Play Methods and Instruments During the course of sex, game playing or discipline and the following activities or instruments may be employed, singularly or in combination, except as listed in Hard List of Submissive. Paragraph terms are as defined in Glossary of Terms (Attachment A to basic agreement.)
Abrasion – Soft Limit restricted to punishment and only when required for completion of training.
Biting of any external body part, but not to cause the skin to break.
Blindfolding for duration of any activity or period selected.
Bondage for restrain including during sex, discipline or game playing.
Bondage belts – use of permitted.
Bondage cuffs – use of permitted.
Bondage harness – use of permitted.
Bondage rope harness – use of permitted.
Branding – Hard Limit- not permitted
Breast bondage – use of permitted.
Butt plug – use of permitted.
Caging – Hard Limit- not permitted
Caning – use of permitted for corporal punishment or game playing, including devices of similar nature to buttocks, thighs (back side), breasts- with caution.
Cat o’ nine tails – use of permitted for corporal punishment or game playing, including devices of similar nature to buttocks, thighs (all sides), breasts, abdomen.
Clipping – use of permitted to any external body part including genitalia and breast nipples.
Clit clipping – use of specifically permitted and includes labia majora and labia minora, in addition to clitoris. (See “Clipping” in Glossary of Terms)
Cold corporeal punishment – use of permitted to buttocks and breasts.
Collar – use of permitted in private as directed by Dom. Dom may require symbolic “collar” (e,g,. Heart Locket necklace) be worn when in pubic. Due to sub’s occupation the sub shall be provided a key to the lock and shall be permitted to remove the collar if her safety requires it. Sub shall be required to contact Dom indicating the collar was removed, the reasons for removal and duration, and requesting permission to put it back on or wait if the Dom wishes to do so himself.
Crop – use of permitted for corporal punishment or game playing, including devices of similar nature to buttocks, thighs (all sides), breasts, abdomen, hand palms or feet bottoms.
Crotch roping – use of permitted.
Dungeons or similar facilities, including club or rentals – Soft Limit- Discussion should occur first.
Electrostimulation – use of permitted.
Electric play – use of permitted.
Enema – use of permitted for punishment purposes only and only in cases requiring extreme discipline.
Erotic sexual denial – use of permitted.
Fire play – use of NOT permitted.
Flagellatio/flogging – use of for corporeal punishment or game playing to buttocks, thighs (all sides), breasts, abdomen using any instrument suitable and defined in Glossary of Terms.
Gag– use of permitted.
Game playing including all games listed in Glossary of Terms
Genitorture – use of permitted to include clipping, spanking, biting, pinching, hot wax,
Gun play – use of NOT permitted.
Hairbrush – use of permitted for corporal punishment and applied to buttocks, thighs or breasts.
Harness – use of permitted.
Knout – use of permitted for corporal punishment and applied to buttocks, thighs or breasts.
Leash – Hard Limit- Dom may utilize force with manual control of collar if He desires control in this fashion.
Marinet – use of permitted for corporal punishment and applied to buttocks, thighs or breasts.
Needle play – Hard Limit
Nipple clamps – use of permitted with or without chains and with or without weights attached.
Paddle – use of permitted for corporeal punishment or game playing, including devices of similar nature to buttocks, and thighs (backside)
Scourge – use of permitted for corporal punishment or game playing, including devices of similar nature to buttocks, thighs (all sides), breasts or abdomen.
Sex machine – use of permitted.
Sleepsacks – use of permitted.
Sling furniture – use of permitted singly or in combination with other bondage devices.
Spanking – use of permitted with any instruments defined herein and suitable for such use.
Spanking bench – use of permitted.
Spanking skirt – use of permitted.
Spreader bar – use of permitted singly, in combinations or in combination with other bondage devices.
Strapping – use of permitted for corporeal punishment or game playing using appropriated devices applied to buttocks, thighs (all sides), breasts, hand palms or feet bottoms.
Suspension – use of permitted singly or in combination with other bondage devices.
Suction – use of permitted to nipples or genitals.
Tit torture – use of permitted
Wax play – use of permitted
Whip (whipping) – use of permitted for corporeal punishment or game playing using appropriated devices to this class and applied to buttocks, thighs (all sides), breasts, hand palms or feet bottoms.
Wooden horse – use of permitted
I understand and agree to the use of the discipline, control or general play methods and instruments stated above as exclude by the Submissive Hard Limits List or Waivers To Standard Terms of Agreement ______________________________ on this the ________ day of _____________ in the year ________.
Signature of Submissive
I understand and agree to the use of the discipline, control or general play methods and instruments stated above as exclude by the Submissive Hard Limits List or Waivers To Standard Terms of Agreement______________________________ on this the ________ day of ______________ in the year ________.
Signature of Dominant
Yeah if you didn’t know that i was married to an attorney, you do now. Personally i think Sir went a bit too lawyer in this contract, BUT i must say it is with great confidence i know what it is that is expected and the guidelines. Sir has indicated that i am allowed to answer questions on this, and He will weigh in as well. So thoughts, questions, comments?